there are no accidents. there is no alibi. i've spent the week agonizing for doing the exact opposite of what i've told myself, patiently and so many times, to do. it feels good. and the better it feels when it's done, the worse it feels the next day. the guilt.. it's there. i know it. yet i don't feel it. it's like a taboo inside my own mind. i'm afraid if i ever really feel it, i'll go crazy within a minute.
